When An Apology Gets Stuck on the Tip of Our Tongue (Nitzavim 5773)

Early in the school year last year, a few ninth graders approached me in the hallway to protest some aspect of the school’s dress standards.  I was running late to a meeting upstairs.  I regret it, but I only half-listened.  I did not give their concern the respect it deserved (which is different from agreeing with it).  I failed to give those students the respect they deserved. 

Every few days after that I felt the impulse to apologize to those students.  But then I would get distracted by something.  The apology got stuck on the tip of my tongue.  Then so much time has passed I have forgotten even to which students I needed to apologize.  

Now as I prepare for the new Jewish year of 5774 and am seeking forgiveness for my conduct last year, that particular apology still is stuck on the tip of my tongue.  So at our weekly school community gathering on Monday, I apologized to the entire student body.  

In Torah this week we read parshat Nitzavim.  Among its passages is a familiar one that teaches “this  commandment” is not too difficult for you, nor too far removed from you.  Rather, Torah teaches, “it is close to you, it is in your mouth, it is in your heart.”  (Deuteronomy 30:11-14.) Typically, this passage is interpreted as referring to the entirety of Torah itself. 

But Nachmanides (13^th century, Spain) read this passage more narrowly.  He looked back at the cluster of verses just preceding this passage. There he discovered several variations on the verb “lashuv” – to turn.  From this intense echoing of a single verb Nachmanides inferred the "mitzvah" to which Torah was referring was the mitzvah based on the same Hebrew root letters of Teshuvah (repentance).  In his day as in ours, we use teshuvah to describe not only physical “turning” or “returning” but also to describe the process of emotional or spiritual returning that is called “Teshuvah.”  

Teshuvah is likened to returning in the sense that through it we return to the goals or path we set for ourselves – or returning to the highest ideals of our community.  Or even returning through forgiveness to have a better relationship with others.  Or returning to strengthen our relationship with God.

In other words, for Nachmanides, Teshuvah and seeking forgiveness are as close to us as in our mouths and in our hearts.  

That brings me back to a desire to apologize to those ninth graders last year. Sometimes our sincere apologies and our efforts to improve are so close to our mouths and our hearts that they get stuck there.  That’s what happened to me.  My apology got stuck on the tip of my tongue.  

Now as we are starting a new school year and prepare for the new Jewish year is the time to push ourselves with grit toward achieving our highest goals for the year ahead by moving the apologies beyond our hearts and off our tongues.

Since I can no longer remember which particular students deserved my apology, earlier this week I apologized to the entire student body for any time in the last year when I was distracted or not listening fully, or did not give their concerns the attention they deserved.  I asked them to forgive me.  I committed myself in the year ahead to listen with respect and patience.  

In doing that, I demonstrated for our students that the process of teshuvah is not so far away – it is as close as our mouths and our hearts. 

Then I invited Evan F to come forward to sound the Shofar.  As we listened, I asked students to let the Shofar sound inspire in them the strength to move those apologies past our lips and into the hearts of others who deserve our apology and from whom we seek forgiveness.