From 'Why me?' to 'Why not me?' (Yom Kippur 5775)

This is the season for reflection and transformation. For some of us reflecting on the year that has just ended it is tempting to cry out, "Why me?" The accumulated weight of a year's worth of challenges and disappointments, of sadnesses or tragedies seems too much to bear. "Why me? Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?"  

For some our enduring ability to nurse grievances or "pick-at-the-scab" of hurts blocks our path forward in the coming year.  Our preoccupation with disappointment can be a barrier to transformation at this season.  

This end-of-year dilemma is reflected this year in the end-of-life drama of Moses in the Torah portion we read in the week leading up to Yom Kippur, V'zot Habrachah.  [Note: The portion is read during this week but not on Shabbat because Yom Kippur, which coincides with Shabbat this year, has its own special Torah readings.]
Moses is coming to the end of his leadership through 40 years in the wilderness. It is made clear to Moses that he will not accompany his people into the land of promise. Instead he will die in the wilderness removed from leadership. Moses asks, in effect, "Why me?"  He begs the decree against him be annulled. (Deuteronomy 3:23-24).  He is rejected.  That might have been the end of the story if Moses had let his disappointment and anger overwhelm his capacity for learning and growth.    

Instead of continuing to say, "Why me?" Moses transitions, in effect, to asking "Why not me?"  Instead of sulking about there being no retirement party or gold watch for him, Moses focuses attention and energy on the future.  Why not Moses to be the one to elevate Joshua, prepare Joshua for transition, to shepherd his community toward their future?  

One rabbinic legend even imagines Moses spending his final days acting as servant to Joshua his successor.  Moses knows that Joshua needs support seeming to ask himself "Why not me?" as the one to serve Joshua.  According to this legend Moses would daily put out Joshua's clothes, clean his shoes, and polish Joshua's helmet and crown.  It is as if Moses wants to ensure others see Joshua as the new leader.  Why not Moses to be the one to ensure a smooth transition even if he is a bit jealous or even bitter.  

Why not Moses?  Why not us?  

Indeed, modern medicine endorses Moses behavior.  The Mayo Clinic Staff suggests that our ability to move forward in life depends on embracing forgiveness instead of holding on to grudges, resentment, or bitterness.   It concludes that those who let the physic wounds of life fester as feelings of bitterness or even vengeance "pay most dearly" when by contrast embracing forgiveness can bring hope and peace, gratitude and joy.  

Why not see ourselves in the coming year as instruments of forgiveness toward a future of growth and transformation?  Why not see ourselves as capable of leading a community, of teaching others; of helping those who have stumbled; of feeding the hungry or sheltering the poor; of improving the future?  Why not imagine that in the year just beginning we can be more daring, creative, or courageous than the past year. Why not imagine we can accomplish whatever goals we set for ourselves. 

Indeed, "Why not me? Why not you?  Why not us?"