Who taught you how to ride a bike? My dad taught me. But it was two, dear graduate school classmates that taught my kids how to ride a bike. There is plenty that we learn from our parents. Yet, there are so many valuable lessons that we learn from other adults, mentors.
When I ask students to raise their hands if someone other than one of their parents taught them how to ride a bike, or dribble a basketball, or drive a car, or bake challah, or get over being homesick, or play a musical instrument, or act with kindness -- nearly every student raises their hands.
Consider all the lessons that each of us learned from someone other than our parents. In our modern world no parent can do it alone and every person needs the coaching and encouragement of people other than our parents.
Consider all the lessons that each of us learned from someone other than our parents. In our modern world no parent can do it alone and every person needs the coaching and encouragement of people other than our parents.
These adult mentors are especially important to teens who necessarily are exploring ways to separate from their parents. At moments when it seems as if a teen and her parent cannot communicate effectively, another adult mentor might be exactly what a teen needs in the process of becoming a socially and emotionally healthy adult.
The vital importance of mentors is recognized in this week's Torah portion through the discipline protocols for a rebellious child. When parents are unable to transform a child's rebellion then, according to Torah, the child should be taken to the town elders (read, mentors).
As if to amplify the responsibility that mentors have for teens, even rebellious ones, Torah uses an interesting formulation to describe the town elders. Torah directs the child be brought ell ziknei ear-oh (lit. to the elders of the child's town)(Deut. 21:19). One otherwise might have expected the Hebrew to say "to THE town elders" or "to the elders of HIS PARENTS' town." This teaches that not only parents, but also every generation and the entire community have a responsibility to each child. It is specifically those elders or mentors with whom the child has a relationship are accountable.
As if to amplify the responsibility that mentors have for teens, even rebellious ones, Torah uses an interesting formulation to describe the town elders. Torah directs the child be brought ell ziknei ear-oh (lit. to the elders of the child's town)(Deut. 21:19). One otherwise might have expected the Hebrew to say "to THE town elders" or "to the elders of HIS PARENTS' town." This teaches that not only parents, but also every generation and the entire community have a responsibility to each child. It is specifically those elders or mentors with whom the child has a relationship are accountable.
Susan Bosak teaches about teens needing adult mentors, grown-ups who know them as teachers or friends of a teen's parents. Bosak writes, "research shows children need four to six involved, caring adults in their life to fully develop emotionally and socially." (Here is more from Bosak on mentorship). Bosak also reminds us that thanks to the modern growth of life-expectancy, we can witness the impact of mentorship through seventh generations: from great-grandparent through to great-grandchild. That's an extraordinary legacy.
Bosak also reports on research by anthropologists William Kornblum and Terry Williams. They followed nearly 1,000 children in urban and rural poverty concluding that “the most significant factor” determining whether they would be productive as teens was “the presence or absence of adult mentors.”
Let us be grateful for adult mentors who taught us how to ride a bike and so much more. As we prepare ourselves for the new Jewish year of 5776, let us commit to being mentors for others who need our encouragement, coaching, and the inspiration that only we can give.
Let us be grateful for adult mentors who taught us how to ride a bike and so much more. As we prepare ourselves for the new Jewish year of 5776, let us commit to being mentors for others who need our encouragement, coaching, and the inspiration that only we can give.
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