After A Long Night of Darkness . . . (Vayishlach 5776)

The darkness of the last few weeks - killings in Paris, killings on American streets, killings in Israel - bring darkness that threatens to swallow up the light. So much sadness. Too many unanswered questions. 

One way to work through our questions is to start close to home. Children, for example, develop empathy and caring regard for those who are a world away by practicing empathy and care right at home. Practicing care for a sibling who drives us crazy or a close friend in need helps us build our muscles of care for those we don't know. 

The recent killing of Ezra Schwartz - being a 2015 graduate of a Jewish high school in Brookline killed during his gap year in Israel - is both close to home
and a world away. Ezra was special both because his he was familiar to those of us in the Jewish high school world and because his life was so much like that of an 18 year old anywhere in the world. 

Ezra's father, Ari Schwartz, captured that sentiment speaking at the funeral: "We are so proud of who [Ezra] was; we are proud to be part of the greater Jewish community that connects us throughout the world. We are also grateful for the Israeli and United States governments for their help and their condolence calls - it made us feel that Ezra was important. Every life is important."  (Link to Ezra's funeral with father talking at about 1 hour, 25 minutes.) 

Every life is important. And sometimes we can see things through the life of a single person that we cannot see when looking at the whole world. 

Ultimately each of us will decide for ourselves which lives and which deaths touch us, inspire us to act differently, move us to grow differently. Everyone who spoke at Ezra's funeral, which lasted nearly three hours, spoke about how Ezra inspired them to be better people.  

Which brings us to this week’s Torah portion when Jacob wrestles in the dark of night with . . . a person, an angel, God, we are not sure exactly with whom but we know it is a vital exchange. Then just as dawn breaks, the struggle is over. Jacob asks with whom he has been struggling. But instead of giving an answer, Jacob's challenger answers Jacob's question with a question, "Why do you want to know my name?” (Genesis 32:30.) It is kind of like saying, "what good would it do for me to answer your question; you need to discover this for yourself."

In other words, when we are seeking answers to complicated questions or when we are most anguished over possible answers they will not come easily or quickly. These are not "Siri" or "Ask Google" queries. For deep questions, we need to turn back to ourselves to deeply listen, reflect, and learn. 

At times, this will seem like a struggle in the dark. But, as Jacob discovered, there are sparks of light in the dark. For instance, one way of understanding Jacob’s new name, Israel (Genesis 32:29) the one with which he is blessed at the break of dawn is "wrestled with God." That meaning makes sense as we struggle to find answers to deep questions.  

But an alternative rendering of the name Israel offers something different. Perhaps 'Israel' is a conflation of three words - Ish - ra - El literally one who sees God. A kind of portmanteau. After all, only a couple of verses later, Jacob declares "I have seen God face to face." (Genesis 32:31) 

Ancient rabbis grapple with what it means to see God face to face. Because we are otherwise told this is not possible, they imagine that we don't see God's face so much as we see the impact of divine conduct. In fact, when the rabbis look to the most exemplary illustrations of divine conduct they focus on divine lovingkindness or chesed. The rabbis idealize this particular form of divine conduct. That of bringing light to places of darkness: from clothing Adam and Eve, to visiting Abraham recovering from surgery, to comforting mourners (Sotah 14a). 

From all this we learn that at our darkest moments we can be sure that dawn will break, light will come, if we seek deep answers for ourselves and if we act with chesed to bring our own sparks of light. Indeed this affirms that words or dreams alone will not bring light to darkness; we bring light to dark places through our conduct. 

Perhaps, this Chanukah our conduct could include dedicating ourselves to One Candle for Chesed (#OneCandleForChesed). Devote one night or one day of Chanukah to chesed actions  that brings light to darkness. Perhaps collecting children's books for a shelter for battered families, or sending care packages to Israeli soldiers; or getting involved in advocacy for tenant rights, or campaigning to combat food poverty. 

In these ways we can affirm that every life is important. We can  begin answering questions for which there are no easy answers. We can find ways to bring light to darkness.