Belonging to Summer: A Time for Daring Greatly (Beha'alotecha 5776)

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My first summer camp experience was painful! I felt alone and vulnerable. At first, summer camp made me sick. I was seasick - riding a tiny ferry across choppy ocean waves to an island based Boy Scout camp. Then I was homesick - being placed in a tent by myself because, it seemed to me, I was young and uncool. Then I was just plain sick - it rained early and late; I caught a cold. I wrote tear-stained letters home offering to be nicer to my sister if only someone would rescue me from camp. I was ashamed about crying so much. I was 11 years old.

Nearly all that 'sickness' disappeared shortly after I encountered the camp's chaplain "Rabbi Ron." Although there were hardly any other Jews at this Boy Scout camp, the chaplain my session just happened to be a rabbinical student. 

I brought my tears and fears to him. He affirmed the reality of my vulnerability. Then he put it into perspective; he coached me out of wallowing in it. He helped me distinguish between having the courage to be myself so that other campers would like me for who I really am, rather than wanting to be like other campers so they might accept the false version of me that I tried (impossibly) to project. He encouraged me to put myself forward around things I really liked instead of worrying that I needed to like certain things to seem 'cool' to others. 

Although we started the camp session as complete strangers to one another, Rabbi Ron treated me immediately as someone who was worthy of his care and attention. He listened with compassion; his questions and coaching demonstrated concern. 

Now, several decades later I still think of him when summer starts. His encouragement gave me courage. He helped me grow from struggling to "fit in" toward feeling like I "belonged." Thanks to Rabbi Ron helping me feel like I belonged, I dared to try archery, life-saving courses, kitchen duty, and even insisted on switching my tent to bunk with others. Thanks to him I spent 15 more summers at another camp as a camper, staffer, assistant director, or faculty member. 

His encouragement endures and this summer it inspired me to select Brene Brown's Daring Greatly as one of the summer reading books for the JCHS professional community and board. Brown writes powerfully about how fears of vulnerability threaten to swallow our capacity to engage meaningfully with others - as students, teachers, children, parents, and partners.  

She reports on research involving 8th graders (just a couple of years older than I was at Boy Scout camp) who distinguish between fitting in and belonging. Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere where you really want to be, but they don't care one way or the other. Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else."  (p.232) 

For Brown, raising courageous children depends on their knowing they are loved and accepted for who they are, not who they pretend to be. For children and students to know this, however, requires compassion from and connection with the adults in their lives.  Rabbi Ron affirmed all of that. 

Ironically, in this week's Torah portion, it is the prime leader Moses who feels as if he doesn't belong. In the wilderness narrative, Moses reveals how vulnerable he feels when the Israelites protest against his leadership with bitter complaints. Moses reports being unable to care for this complaining people from whom he feels so alienated. (Numbers 11:11-12) 

As if anticipating Brown's research, the divine response neither demands that Moses pretend to fit-in nor that he ignore their protests. Rather the divine response is that Moses develop a cadre of seventy partners - a group of elders to which Moses can belong and with which he can share leadership burdens. (Numbers 11:16-18) Moses reveals his vulnerability and, in return, he develops a sense of belonging with a group beyond himself. 

In the Torah narrative, Moses sense of connection to this group is so strong that the group literally draws strength from Moses without any of his being diminished. Commentators compare this to a candle used to light another candle without the first one losing any of its brilliance. (See, for example, Rashi (12th century Spain) commentary to Numbers 11:19)

The parsha is in harmony with summer -- the time for finding ways to belong and for daring greatly. In the summer ahead, may each of us have the wisdom to see our vulnerabilities and the strength to dare greatly in seeking new friends and new experiences. And may we be embraced this summer with a profound sense of belonging.