Think for a moment about the screen image you see looking at your smiling face about to snap a selfie. Now compare that first, screen image to the actual photo that gets stored when you snap the selfie. Both are you; but they are not exactly the same!
The first screen image is reversed in the saved photo image. The first image is just like looking at yourself in the mirror. The saved image is the reverse. The first image is the one we know best; it is the most familiar to us. We've been looking at it for years.
But other people see us in reverse. They see, in effect, the saved photo image. We see the mirror image; we've conditioned ourselves to see it whenever we brushed our teeth or adjusted ourselves in front of a mirror.
So much so that studies show people preferring the mirror image of themselves over the true image captured by a camera.
In other words, we are not always comfortable seeing ourselves as others see us. That idea is at the core of the Jewish month of Elul that comes right before the High Holy Days. Elul began earlier this week. Elul brings in the period of introspection that leads up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. All that introspection is meant to help us re-align our conduct with our goals in the year ahead.
This season demands that we see ourselves not as we prefer to be seen, but rather as others truly see us. For authentic introspection to be effective, however, it needs to be based on real self-awareness and judgment instead of on a fancifully or imagined view we have of ourselves.
According to the Sfat Emet (19th century, Poland) this week's Torah portion, Shoftim, suggests something similar. It begins with instructing the ancient Israelites to "appoint judges and officers for yourself ... who will govern with righteous judgment." (Deut. 16:18) The Sfat Emet points to a grammatical oddity in "yourself." It is in the singular, not the plural. From this draws a lesson that not only is the community mandated to appoint judges, but also each of us has the capacity to judge ourselves. In his words, "You will be able to make yourself into your own judge" if you see yourself honestly.
As a new school year starts and we are on the cusp of a new Jewish year, it is time to take an honest look in the mirror. To see ourselves not as we prefer to be seen, but as others really see us. Not what face do we see in the mirror, but what is the face that others see. Not as we wish others saw us, but as others truly experience us through our words and conduct.
It is a time of year for us to judge ourselves not based on how much we thought about kindness or justice but for how often we actually demonstrated kindness and compassion and how actively we pursued justice and equity. If I could see myself exactly as others do, what do I imagine they would want me to change in the year ahead?
In the weeks ahead, may each of us have the strength and wisdom to look past the false image we carry of ourselves and to shape the year ahead according to the highest self we seek to become.
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