Moving Toward Face to Face (Terumah 5779)

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"Why Babies Need Parallel Play"

Parents of newborn twins tell me it can take several months before the babies express any explicit awareness of the presence of another infant. Even when twins are napping or sleeping together in the same bassinet or crib, each acts like an only child. It's not until months later they seem to wake up and take a keen interest in each other.  

That is echoed in child development as toddlers learn how to engage through the developmental stage of parallel-play. That is, they play adjacent to each other, but do not try to influence one another's behavior. Each toddler is, in a sense, playing alone, but in proximity with and some sideways interest in another. Only later do children learn authentic interaction, facing each other in true relationship. 

Torah this week echoes this developmental scheme as it describes the mechanics and artistry of constructing the tabernacle in the wilderness, Torah directs the making two gold statue images of kruveem or Cherubs to top the Ark. (Exodus 25:18-20.)
Rashi pictures these Cherubs as looking like children. Like twin infants, each statuette is fashioned individually. Then they are placed parallel to each other. Finally, their "faces are turned toward each other." (Exodus 25:20.)

As imagined in Torah, all divine instruction and revelation will come from the space between their faces. Not from the heavens. Not from the inside of the Ark. But from the space defined by the relationship between these two Cherubs. As Rabbi Larry Kushner comments on this setting, "Only relationship can initiate life and growth and revelation." 

It is not enough to merely face another, Kushner continues: "Only when one ego realizes that there is another ego of equal importance" can this relationship blossom. (Kushner, Five Cities of Refuge, p.67). 

Authentic-relationship is everything! For example, psychologist Susan Pinker has reviewed research proving that social interaction improves our physical health; it shows that "daily face to face contact with a tight group of friends and family helps you live longer." (Pinker, The Village Effect: How Face to Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier and Happier) 

The modern Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber, similarly observed simply, "all real living is meeting." Meeting being the live encounter of one person with another. 

We believe something similar at JCHS -- anything that one of us can do as a solitary individual - say, learning or pursuing justice - can be amplified, enriched, accomplished more powerfully when we do it with others. 

The Rabbis of Talmud teach this as a cautionary tale too. Just as they imagine learning and life coming from moments when the Cherubs face each other, they imagine the opposite. When the Cherubs are turned away from each other, destruction comes to the people Israel. (Bava Batra 99a.)

May each of us this week pursue authentic relationships with others. See another face to face. Meet one another in authentic encounter. May each of us the strength to be mindful of those moments when we are tempted to turn away or introduce conflict. And the insight to celebrate those moments when we are in an authentic relationship -- not just learning in parallel, but learning face to face -- even from those who are different from you or think differently we do.