Outside Matching Inside: First Day of School (Eikev 5779)

Orange on the inside and the outside

At JCHS this week, I invited students to reflect on all the different paths they took to come to school. Walked. Skateboard. BART. Shuttle. Public bus. Carpool. Bike. Ferry. Car. Some combination of these. 

In some ways, my own journey to JCHS began 40 years ago this month when I started law school just a few blocks from JCHS. I was still working at a Jewish summer camp in Saratoga about 50 miles away from law school. (URJ Camp Swig later moved to Santa Rosa as URJ Camp Newman). 

I remember my first day of law school so vividly. I knew no one. I had never visited the campus before that first day. I took a Greyhound bus at 6:05am to be at law school by 8:00am. 

Nervous, afraid -- about how people would look at me. Whether I had the right bookbag, pens, highlighters. I even felt stressed about what type of paper to use for taking notes (in the days
before laptops or tablets). I overheard classmates arguing in the student store about whether to use legal-size or letter-size, three-hole side punched or two-hole top punched, yellow or white, or wide-ruled or narrow-ruled. 

I also vividly remember the story one of my professors shared on that first day. She told us about a law school classmate of her’s who graduated and passed the bar without a job. Here’s the story she told us . . .

Her classmate, the newly minted lawyer, decided courageously to open an office on their own. At their first day of work, they arranged their bookshelf, put a blotter and calendar on their desk, set out pens and business cards. Even had their name stenciled on the door.  

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Excitedly, the new lawyer picked up the phone and pretended to be talking to a prospective client. Speaking loudly enough into the phone so they could be heard on the other side of the door, they said, “No, I can’t meet with you this week. I am so swamped with other cases. I may not be able to take on a new case for another week or two. 

Another knock at the door. They reached over to open the door saying, "Have a seat while I finish this call." Turning back to the phone, they said, "Yes. Too busy now, but call me back next week." They put on this show hoping to impress the person in their office and not seem so inexperienced.  

Looking at the seated person, the new lawyer said, "How can I help you?" The seated person stood saying, "Actually I can help you. I am here from the telephone company. I came to connect your phone."

. . .  With that story, I encouraged the JCHS students to learn: Don't be like my law professor's classmate; don't pretend to be something you are not. Be your authentic self. The real you. It is hard to do this. It takes both courage and encouragement; even some risk-taking. It gets easier knowing that others have your back. At JCHS our students and professional colleagues have each other's back.

In the Jewish tradition, one finds similar advice in the Talmud. There we learn that the best students are those who are "tocho k'boro (lit. whose inside is like their outside)." (Talmud, Yoma 72b). The best students are those empowered to be authentically themselves. With the integrity of matching their outsides with their insides.  

A more abstract version of this lesson comes from this week's Torah portion. There we find the origin of the Jewish custom to say a blessing both before and after eating a meal.  (Deuteronomy 8:10.) Lots of traditions, including Judaism, say a blessing before we eat. But after? For human nature, it may be that it is easier to say "please" before being fed than "thank you" after we are full. Torah encourages us to pause and say thanks even after eating. It is Torah's way of aligning our outsides (the behavior of saying thanks for the food) with our insides (now filled with food). 

That’s my challenge for all of us this year, practice becoming more completely oneself -- inside and out. And as we work at that, watch how others are authentically themselves, be willing to try something new to see if it fits for you. And listen carefully to discover how others feel authentically -- that is, some express anger but inside they are feeling fear. Or they express superiority, but inside they are feeling insecure. The more you come to know your true self, the easier it will be to see and listen for what’s authentic in others. The more you come to know your true self, the more practiced you can be at expressing it on the outside. 

Then every week at Shabbat or every day if you journal or at the end of a moment of challenge or celebration, ask yourself: "Was I true to myself? Did my outside match my inside?" May this school year be one in which we can each grow in our ability to be "tocho k'boro" our most unique and authentic selves.