I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can: My Parents Brainwashed Me Too (Chayei Sarah 5774)

Parents provide powerful legacies for their children. Ethan Metzger shows that with his entry in the Bronx Poetry Slam 2013.  Ethan is a senior at SAR - a Jewish high school in Riverdale, New York.  You have got to watch Ethan deliver his slam poem:  Link to YouTube of Ethan Metzger

As you watch Ethan, listen for these words of his:  "My parents did brainwash me . . . And my mom she incessantly told me as a child again and again and again to just do the best you can and that idea is now so ingrained in my mind that I don’t define success as whether I got an A or won the game but whether I gave it my all . . . You can call it brainwashing if you want. That’s fine. I call it teaching.”  

And how do we measure success?  What is Ethan's legacy?  He did not advance to the second round of the Poetry Slam but this video of him has gone viral (as of today it has been viewed on YouTube more than 215,000 times!)  Talk about defining success in different terms!

So I ask, "How did your parents brainwash you?"  The power of what we teach to our children -- or what we learn from our parents -- is a fundamental lesson of this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, where Torah describes two different types of inheritances one generation can leave for the next.

The first type is material or financial.  We see this when Abraham's servant tells Rebecca about her future husband's (Isaac's) financial security:  “He [Abraham] has given him [Isaac] all that he owns." (Genesis 24:36)  The second type of inheritance is values-based or emotional/spiritual.  We see this when the text describes Abraham's approaching death: "Abraham willed all that he owned to Isaac." (Genesis 25:5)

Because Abraham already gave Isaac everything he owned in 24:36, Rashi quotes Rabbi Nehemiah who interprets 25:5 to mean Abraham is sharing his blessing with Isaac. (Rashi on Genesis 25:5). That seems like a spiritual legacy instead of a material one. Encouraging us to think about these two kinds of inheritance, this week’s Torah portion prompts us to ask: What are we willing to give to the next generation?  It is not enough, if we follow Abraham’s practice, to transmit a material legacy.  We also have the responsibility to transmit a legacy of values, a legacy of the spirit.  

The Torah portion also raises the issue of how hard are we willing to work to transmit that legacy of values.  Another feature of this week’s Torah portion is the attention it lavishes on Abraham’s efforts to acquire property in the Land of Israel in which to bury Sarah. This effort by Abraham seems, in some ways, unnecessary because there already has been a divine promise to give the land to Abraham and Sarah and their descendants.  With that promise in his pocket, so to speak, why does Abraham need to negotiate and pay a price.  It seems to me Torah is teaching here that to accomplish the most meaningful and fulfilling things in in life we need to invest of ourselves.  Often we invest the most of ourselves when providing a legacy for our children.    

About ten years ago I was visiting an absorption center in Beit She’an, Israel. There had been a sharp economic downturn in Argentina and a rise in anti-semitism there that led to an increase in aliyah (emigration to Israel) from Buenos Aires.  

We were in the tiny apartment of Ariel, Marianna, and Alejandro.  Ariel and Marianna were a young couple who had made aliyah to Israel from Buenos Aires just 5 weeks before I met them.  Ariel was a plumber and computer programmer. Marianna was an English teacher.  Alejo was their 2 year old son.  

Marianna and Ariel hosted three of us visiting from Cleveland offering plates full of cookies and cups of cold soda.  Alejo wanted to join in so he offered us all of his toys.  Actually he brought out and placed on the table or in our laps seemingly every toy he had -- so excited was he to welcome us into his home.  

We asked, “Why did you come to Israel?”  Ariel answered, “So that Alejo could have a better life here than he would have had in Buenos Aires”

One of my companions nodded and affirmed, “So you brought Alejo to be in Israel for a better life?"  “No,” Marianna answered, “Alejo brought us!”

Sometimes we follow the lead of our parents. And sometimes our parents follow our lead.  How have our parents led us?  How are we leading them? Sometimes our legacy is gold pocket-watch and sometimes it is the example we set by following the golden rule. Sometimes our legacy is a treasured book and sometimes it is living by the values treasured in that book.  Often our legacy is determined by what we do more than what we have.  

Thinking back to Ethan, let me offer my own appreciation for how my parents "brainwashed" me.

My parents brainwashed me to be kind, 

To honor tradition and question authority, 

To love my family and respect my friends, 

To learn and learn and learn

And never stop growing or knowing,

Be guided by Torah and teachers

To keep trying and trying and trying

(I think I can, I think I can, I think I can)

And never give up.  

How did your parents brainwash you?