Humble and Wise Enough to Learn From Others: ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l (Mishpatim 5776)

ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l with Gayle and Howard (2011)

I dedicate this to my mom, Rolla Lee Ruben z"l, who died two weeks ago at the age of 81 after a valiant battle against breast cancer and resilience through a decade of Parkinson's. She died peacefully surrounded by her family just a few weeks after holding her first great-grandchild. 

After raising her family and teaching for nearly four decades at Broadway Elementary School in Los Angeles, my mom started writing powerful reminiscences about: growing up with a twin sister in the Twin Cities, falling in love with and marrying my dad, devoting her life to my sister and me, teaching public school in an economically depressed neighborhood, mentoring novice teachers through UCLA and LMU, sharing her life with friends, celebrating her Judaism, and cherishing her grandchildren. We called these reminiscences, "Bubby Stories." She wrote dozens of them. 

One Bubby Story especially resonates with the 'bookends' that seem to bracket the Ten Commandments. The first bookend comes in last week's Torah portion, Yitro, just before the Ten Commandments. The Torah narrative there reflects Moses' deep humility, revealing how poorly he manages conflict in the wilderness community. To fix that, Moses relies on expert advice from outside his community as his father-in-law, Yitro, offers critique and advice. There is a swift scene change as the narrative continues toward the centerpiece of Torah, the Ten Commandments. 

Torah picks-up this week with Mishpatim. It details the significance of getting along with others, dignifying them and their property. Because of an unusual beginning to the Torah portion Mishpatim, Rashi (11th century) sees these idealized behaviors toward others as being essentially tied to the Ten Commandments. In that way Torah learning is bracketed between humility and learning from others on one side and dignifying and respecting them on the other side. In other words, our most important learning depends on our capacity for humility, learning from others, and behaving with others in honorable ways.

Now the Bubby Story that exemplifies this lesson. 

In this Bubby Story my mom reveals the humility to admit her limitations, a passion for learning new ways from outside her experience, and the importance of honoring the dignity of others -- all in the service of learning the most vital lessons of life. This true story is adapted/excerpted from Rolla's Not A Sub Anymore, which she wrote about four years ago . . . 

I had been a substitute teacher moving from one class to another at Broadway Elementary School for several months in 1969. Although it was considered a ‘difficult’ school, I liked going there. I enjoyed the kids I worked with and I found most of the teachers friendly and dedicated to their students.

One day the principal approached me about a long-term subbing assignment at Broadway. He said it was a special class. He said it was easy, ‘a dream situation.’ Then he escorted me to Bungalow G a temporary building housing the 'Opportunity Room.' That meant the students there were too disruptive in a typical classroom and needed an 'opportunity' to redirect their behavior or learning.    

Before agreeing to take the class, he took me to Bungalow G. I entered to find only six students, five boys and one girl, working quietly at their desks, copying spelling words, practicing handwriting, seeming attentive. I enthusiastically said, "Yes, I can definitely handle this group."

The next Monday, I couldn’t wait to get to the class. The regular teacher was there, he introduced me as his sub. He showed me a stack of lesson plans, then left me alone with his class. For a few minutes the peace and quiet continued. Then books started to drop on the floor, paper airplanes flew across the room, kids got up and out of their seats.   

There must have been a sign over my head reading:  “SUB! WEAKLING! PUSHOVER!" I was naive and gullible. I did not engage them or have the kind of control an experienced teacher would have had. My inexperience was no match for six very clever, seasoned trouble-makers.  

A few days later Mildred – the only girl in the class – got angry at Shane. She picked up the six foot window stick and chased him outside across the school yard. She was holding the stick above her head like a javelin. As I tried to stop them, the other students warned me to let them go. Shane was Mildred’s cousin they said, and “it’s okay to fight with kin.” 

Each day there was another disaster I couldn't manage. 

I considered quitting. But I could not be a quitter. There had to be a way to reach my students. I started reading everything I could about behavior modification. I attended seminars and courses on classroom  management. I created a point system to honor appropriate behavior. Every positive move was noted and rewarded.  With enough points students could earn a special prize: the chance to spend a Saturday at my house with my family.  That actually calmed things down in my class. 

Then that first Saturday I drove the four students with the most points from school to spend the day by our pool. Gayle, our eleven year old, came along. As we pulled into the driveway at home, I heard Shane ask Gayle, “Would you like to see my stab wound?” What an adventure I had gotten my family into! 

Just as I was starting to make progress by treating the students differently, to see positive growth, there was a district-wide teachers’ strike. Part of me rejoiced for the relief from those intense students. 

But I deeply regretted not being able to keep working with the Bungalow G students during the strike. So I made arrangements to meet them in a storefront office across the street from Broadway School.  We called it “The Center.” During the strike they eagerly came to The Center every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for reading, discussion, and more.  

With the school year truncated by the strike, I was really disappointed I could not make more of a positive difference for those six students. But I realized my lack of training and limited experience made my goals difficult to achieve. So I set out over the next few years to fix that. 

I learned that quiet is power. That dignity and respect are returned in kind. And that gentle can be strong. I was determined through more training to transform my chief weakness into one of my teaching strengths - working in a challenging classroom. Ironically I even became a coach for classroom management courses.  

My experiences and the stories I bought home from Broadway proved to be valuable lessons for my own children. I believe those experiences helped influence their adult choices. Gayle became a special education instructor; Howard a rabbi, and now the head of a Jewish high school. They both show empathy and understanding for students of all types. 

I was not a sub anymore. I remained at Broadway school for 36 years but I never had a class quite as memorable as the one in Bungalow G.

My sister and I were blessed to have shared these experiences with our mom all of our lives until now. We are really grateful for the sympathy, support, and great kindness that has come to us this long season of illness and death. We also are grateful to those who have shared their own 'Bubby Stories' about Rolla's life and the ways she enriched their lives. May her memory endure as a blessing.  

ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l with her grandchildren (2011)