Friday, September 14, 2018

Mastering Our Impulses: Not Being Mastered By Them (Vayeilech and Yom Kippur 5779)

A panel from The Beat Within (TBW) annually presents to the school community at Jewish Community High School (JCHS) during the Jewish High Holy Day season when our minds are directed toward deep self-reflection and assessment. It is a time of judging our behaviors in order to return to the highest goals we have for ourselves. 

Since 1996 TBW has been giving incarcerated youth the encouragement and opportunities to share and publish their art, ideas, and life experiences. It also is the name of its publication of arts and writing from inside the juvenile justice system. TBW is a powerful bridge between youth who are locked up and the community that aims to support their progress towards a healthy, non-violent, and productive lives. They have learned to master their impulses rather than having their impulses master them. 
 
JCHS students are always inspired by stories of those who have "returned" from inside the juvenile justice system. Some JCHS students respond by interning with TBW and some even continue this connection after graduation. A central message of this presentation is taking responsibility for one's behavior and working hard to master one's behavior. This week's presentation did all that.  

At this season in Jewish terms, we examine our own behaviors and those of others from the past year. When we do, it is tempting to stop at the first judgment or assessment that comes to mind. But our motivations are often more complex or not always clear on the surface. By overlooking or hiding our deeper motivations we prevent ourselves from discovering the essential impulses we need master so we can control our actions rather than having them control us. 

That which is hidden is mysterious, beyond control. The Torah portion this week reminds us that, at times, the most important truths are the ones that are hidden. In Vayeilech, which this year is read between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we are warned there even will be times when God really hides God's face from us if our collective behavior is bad enough. (Deuteronomy 31:17-18.) 

On this theme of what is hidden, let me share a folktale adapted from the collection of storyteller Munira Dhamani about a father walking with his little girl when he notices she is holding two apples -- one in each hand. 

He turns to her and gently asks, “Sweet daughter, can your hungry father have one of those apples?"

The girl stops walking and looks up at her dad. Then looking down at the apple in her right hand, she brings it up to her mouth and takes a bite out of it. Then she shifts to the left hand and quickly takes a bite out of the apple in her other hand. Her dad is startled but tries not to reveal his serious disappointment that his daughter can be so selfish.

Then the little girl lifts her left hand and the apple in it up to her father saying, , “Here you go Daddy. This one is the sweetest one!”

This season is meant to open our eyes, to encourage us to look deeper. To be willing to challenge our year-long habits or comforts or old ways of seeing others or ourselves. To discern that which lies below the surface. 

The path to renewal and return requires that we have the wisdom to pause before jumping to conclusions about others (let alone ourselves). And the strength to be both discerning and gentle when judging ourselves (and others too).

May this new Jewish year be the sweetest! 

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