Giving Thanks for the Kindness of Strangers (Thanksgiving 2019 and Toledot 5780)

Thanks to the kindness and generosity of complete strangers, I am here; able to write this post. Thanks to their rescuing me from severe dehydration and moderate heatstroke, I am here and able to give thanks!

I met these strangers this summer near the summit of the Sleeping Giant Trail on Kauai. The hike to breathtaking views was very steep, muddy, and slippery in spots -- cool breezes mixed with intense summer humidity and rain. The reviews we read in advance of the hike underestimated, to my mind, the difficulty of this hike. We did not bring enough water or eat well enough before our early morning start. A recipe for near disaster and lots of drama . . . 

The drama in this week’s Torah portion -- when Jacob pretends to be his twin brother, Esau, so that he can capture both Esau's birthright and the parental blessing from Isaac -- all the while Jacob is encouraged in his pretending by the twins' mother, Rebecca. That high drama begins with last week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah.

In Chayei Sarah, Jacob's grandparent, Abraham, sends a servant out to a strange land to find a life partner for Isaac. To identify the best stranger, the servant waits by a well with lots of Abraham's camels. The servant imagines that whichever person shows extraordinary kindness and generosity by giving water to these camels belonging to a stranger as well as the stranger's servant is destined to be Isaac's mate. That's Rebecca! (Genesis 24:13-19)

Then this week's Torah portion, Toledot (lit. "generations") tells the story of Rebecca and Isaac and their sons Jacob and Esau. Each of them is influenced by the kindness of strangers to move their generation forward. For example, when Isaac and Rebecca confront profound famine, they are nourished by a Philistine king. When others force them into drought-like conditions (stopped-up water wells), strangers protect them. Jacob and Esau each go outside their community to find a mate. Strangers at every turn. 

Back to my experience of profound kindness and generosity of strangers. The Sleeping Giant hike was isolated, strenuous, and exhausting -- especially because I had not cared for myself by bringing enough water or nourishing myself before the hike. That combined with the heat was too much for my body. Winded and super sweaty. I fainted just as we approached the summit. 

Thankfully, three pairs of strangers came to my rescue. Debby called out for help. Strangers responded. They held me. Revived me; monitored my pulse. Gently lifted me. Cooled me with water on my head. Slaked my thirst from their water. Nourished me with energy bars. Gently tested my ability to stand, to walk. They soothed Debby's concern. 

These strangers called 911. Assessed whether to call in a helicopter to take me off the summit or try to slowly escort me down. They guided me through sharp crevices, steep declines, and slippery passages. They coordinated with 911 for pair of firefighters to meet us halfway from the bottom. And for EMT paramedics to assess me at the bottom. 

Strangers at every turn. Thankfully. I would not have made it without them (or Debby). I am very grateful for their generosity and kindness. 

Judaism teaches us both to feel and express gratitude for the kindness and generosity of others. This is so important to Judaism that it has its own Hebrew term, Hakarat Hatov (lit. "to recognize and call out the good"). 

One of the first prayers a Jewish child learns is the daily Modeh Ani ("I am grateful to You [for] restoring my soul to me in compassion"). The Talmud teaches us to distinguish between a grateful guest and an ungrateful one through the lens of Hakarat Hatov. When hosted for a nourishing meal, an ungrateful guest thinks to themselves, "What's the big deal!?! I ate only one slice of bread, one piece of meat, drank only one glass. My host really did everything for the benefit of their family, not for me." By contrast, a grateful guest thinks to themselves, "What a big deal! How much the host toiled for me, with loaves and meat and wine brought before me!" (Berachot 58a) 

In Jewish terms, the focus is not on what the cost was to the giver, rather on the benefit of what was received. Not on the person who gave, but on the recipient. The recipient has the obligation -- to give thanks!

The generosity of those strangers on Sleeping Giant Trail is not marked by how much of their water was given to me. It is marked by how crucial that water was for me. Not by how briefly their descent was slowed helping me down; but by how I would not have made it down without them. 

As this season of Thanksgiving, each of us should be asking who should we thank this year for slaking our thirst, caring for us, nourishing us, guiding us. Then may each of us have the wisdom to feel gratitude for how much the generosity of strangers benefited us and to express gratitude for how much their kindness affected us.