Taking Pleasure From Giving: When a Table Is More Than a Table (Terumah 5775)

We love having people over for dinner or lunch on Shabbat!  But our beautiful, antique dining room table was getting in the way -- too wide and too many table legs.   People sat so far apart they had to practically shout across the table or were always bumping a table leg jostling the table, spilling soup.  

So this week we decided to swap out the antique for a plain oak table in the studio because that one is narrower and has only only four legs.  

My dad used to manufacture furniture. The plain oak table was a gift from him almost 40 years ago when i first had an apartment big enough for a dining room table. Since then it has moved across the country with me -- it has been a kitchen table, a dining room table, a table for my kids' art projects, a desk, and a study group table when I returned to graduate school.  I've seen a lot of it over the years.  But only this week when we carried it into the dining room did I see a distinctive marking from my dad (who died this 17 years ago this month) on the bottom of the table.  Seeing that marking brought a flood of memories of my dad giving me that table -- that table holds precious memories.

There also is a table to hold precious items in this week's Torah portion that is part of the tabernacle in in the wilderness.  As work on the tabernacle begins, our ancestors are instructed, "take for Me an offering . . . from their hearts." (Exodus 25:1-2)  The Hebrew seems odd at first because it does not say, "give to me" instead it says "take for me."  

One understanding of this oddity is that in order to give from the heart, we need to take from among those things that are precious to us.  My dad's marking under the table reminded me that he specially took from his inventory something precious to give to me.  

Yet in a more powerful sense, when we give to others we tend to feel better about our world and about ourselves.  We take delight when we are able to give to others. I know how much pleasure my dad took in giving the table to me. And the greater pleasure even that he took watching me study and eat, create and play, and host others around that table.  

The Sages teach a similar lesson in Talmud, "One accomplishes restoration  (lit. atonement) through the table."  (Chagiga 27a)  According to Rabbi Yissocher Frand now that there is no more sacrificial altar, the "table" means the dining room table.  How we use that table to nourish the hungry, to bring light at moments of darkness, to show kindness to strangers and guests -- all of that is, in effect, an altar bringing restoration.  

May we have the strength to take from that which is precious to us and share it with others.  May we have the wisdom to accomplish restoration through our nourishing others with food and laughter around our tables.  May we take much pleasure from all that we give others.  

From Slavery to Empathy: Treating Strangers With Compassion Instead of Fear: (Mishpatim 5775)

What do Black History Month and the 1865 letter from a free person to his former slave master have to do with Torah?  Quite a bit this week!  As a 7th grade student once told me two of the most conflicting sentences in Torah come from this week's Torah portion -- and they are about slavery.  From these we draw a powerful lesson about receiving strangers with compassion.   

Israelite Slaves appox. 1400 BCE

On the one hand there is the lofty "Do not oppress a stranger. You know the soul of a stranger for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." (Exodus 23:9)  On the other hand, there is the gritty, "A Jewish slave may work for [another Jew] for six years but must be set free in the seventh year."  (Exodus 21:2)  

"Seriously!?!" this seventh grader moaned, "did our ancestors forget so fast what it's like to be slaves they started taking their own as slaves right away!"  It was hard for her to hear Torah talking about the ways to hold slaves right after we being freed from slavery in Egypt. 

Finding One's Authentic Voice: Empowered Through Others (Bo 5775)

We know Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. to be one of the most inspiring orators -- ever. Yet there is a legend about when he entered seminary that King was still developing his 'voice.'  For example, he took nine (!) homiletics courses in just three years at seminary.  According to one legend about his time there, King was encouraged to go out with classmates and listen to other preachers.  Learn from them.  Even before that, King had developed many powerful ideas.  But he needed to listen to and collaborate with others in order to develop his own authentic voice. 

Rabbi Heschel, Rev King, Rev Abernathy,
 Rabbi Eisendrath  Rabbi Gendler (1968)

I shared that message with the annual Women in Leadership conference of the Bay Area Teachers Development Collaborative hosted by Jewish Community High School earlier this week. The conference theme this year was "Honoring Your Authentic Voice."  

An oddity in this week's Torah portion suggests an insight.  It opens with God telling Moses, "Go to Pharaoh."  (Exodus 10:1) The Hebrew here is different from the first time Moses gets a similar instruction.  (Compare "bo" in Exodus 10:1 with "lech" in Exodus 3:27.) Yet usually both terms are translated the same:  "Go!"  The Hebrew term used this week literally could be translated as "Come!"  Like Martin Luther King centuries later, Moses was a community leader still trying to find his authentic voice.  Moses had developed powerful ideas but was reluctant to express them in words.  Just the opposite, Moses expressed reluctance to use his voice; afraid he was not up to the task.  

De-stress: Express Gratitude (Shemot 5775)

This weekend is the 45th anniversary of my becoming a Bar Mitzvah.  I am grateful for many memories from that day (like my parents’ pride or overcoming my anxiety).  But I am embarrassed about one memory:  I did not publicly thank my parents during the service.  I was so intently focused on explaining compelling aspects of the Torah portion -- Shemot, the first in the book of Exodus -- that I did not publicly express gratitude to my parents for all they had done to bring me to that amazing moment.  And they had done a lot!  

Starting a Gratitude Journal

Was I feeling too cool to say thanks? Or trying to keep the focus on Torah instead of on me? Looking back it was very uncool and fairly conspicuous not to say ‘thank you!’ Ironically, that same Torah portion expresses a powerful example of expressed gratitude (more on that below).  

And its not only Torah that teaches us the power of gratitude. 

Neuroscience confirms the power of expressing gratitude.  One of the world’s leading researchers in this field, Dr. Robert Emmons from UC Davis, is partnering ed with UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center to develop evidence-based practices that promote gratitude.  Emmons research proves that those who express gratitude are healthier physically and psychologically -- lower blood pressure, more refreshing and longer sleep, more alertness, greater joy.  The social impacts are powerful too -- more feelings of generosity and compassion, less of isolation and loneliness.  Link to learn more about the science of gratitude, Dr. Emmons, and GGSC.  

Bringing Our Light to Those in the Dark (Miketz and Chanukah 5775)

How often do we walk past street performers without even listening to them, let alone looking to really see them?  

Knowing that about ourselves, of the more than one thousand people who walked past a talented violinist playing brilliantly for 45 minutes inside a transit station how many would you guess stopped to listen? How many would you guess actually put money in his violin case?  

Just about eight years ago virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell did that. He played inside a Washington DC Metro station instead of the typical concert hall.  He played beautifully on a violin that cost more than $3 million.  That morning 1,100 people went by as he played.  

Seven stopped to listen and look.  Of those most were children.  One adult actually recognized him as a renowned artist.  She put $20 in his violin case.  From everyone else who heard him -- 1,100 people -- he collected $12.17. [More about this 2007 story as written by Gene Weingarten]   

Either people did not notice him or did not pause long enough to even look at him.  Which brings us to the intersection of this week’s Torah portion and Chanukah.  

Giving Voice by Listening (Vayishlach 5775)

How shy are you?  I used to think of myself as really shy.  I know from reading Susan Cain's enlightening book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cannot Stop Talking," that I might be more introverted than shy.  

Cain writes, for instance, "extroverts are the people who will add life to your dinner party and laugh generously at your jokes.  [They] think out loud [and] prefer talking to listening." (p.11.)  Introverts, on the other hand, "wish they were at home in their pajamas. . . . [They] listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation" (p.11)  

Cain encourages us to recognize the nuanced differences between shyness and introversion.  Yet one thing that shy people and introverts have in common is quiet. Which often means that those who are shy and introverted are treated as if without voice.  One of the most powerful ways to give them voice is to stop talking and listen -- quiet ourselves to make space for their voice and then authentically listen. 

Many years ago returning to school after Thanksgiving I was in an airport.  It is one of the places that I feel especially shy and introverted.  I often  sit, for example, at a remote, empty gate in order to avoid the commotion at the gate for my flight.  For this flight I picked an especially remote gate because the airport was so crowded and I wanted the quiet.  A woman sat in the chair right next to mine.  Dozens of empty chairs and benches right near by and she sat right next to me.  

Friends For Life (Toledot 5775)

Friendships that are authentic, nurturing, and encouraging are exactly what we need to sustain life’s challenges and setbacks -- to move forward with strength and joy.  Friendship is also a powerful framework for individual learning and growth.  

Friendships not only sustain us as individuals but also authentic friendship -- being in relationship with another whose interests we put on par with our own -- is the essential building block of community.  

The Torah portion this week features a number of negative models of friendship or fractured relationships.  And it’s not just the conflict between the twin brothers Jacob and Esau.  There also is the provisional, utilitarian (and, ultimately, false) friendship between Isaac and the king Avimelech.


When Isaac faces a famine in his homeland he relocates to the kingdom of Avimelech who seems at first to befriend Isaac. Avimelech provides nourishment and shelter for Isaac.  He even protects his new friend Isaac’s wife, Rebecca, from the lust of strangers.

Isaac settles-in and prospers gaining great wealth, a large household, and lots of herds.  Apparently, Avimelech is threatened by Isaac’s prosperity. Avimelech shatters the friendship demanding, “Get away from us, you have gotten way too big for us." (Genesis 26:16) As Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson suggests maybe Avimelech could be friends only with someone dependent on him.  

The Jewish tradition contrasts this negative model of friendship with one that idealizes caring regard and mutual support.  Ecclesiastes wrote, "Two are better than one . . . because if they fall, the one will lift up the other; but woe to one that is alone when falling because there is not another one to help lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.)