The Most Memorable Gift: ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l (Terumah 5776)

Teacher Gift Ideas

Next week ends sheloshim (first month of mourning) for my mom, Rolla Lee Ruben z"l, who died at the age of 81 after a valiant battle against breast cancer and resilience through a decade of Parkinson's. She died peacefully surrounded by her family just weeks after holding her first great-grandchild. 

After raising her family and teaching for nearly four decades at Broadway Elementary School in Los Angeles, my mom wrote powerful reminiscences about, among other things, teaching at this public school in an economically depressed neighborhood. We called these reminiscences, "Bubby Stories"; one especially resonates with the theme of gifts in this week's Torah portion, Terumah. 

Rolla collected lots of memorable gifts brought by students as she taught elementary school for nearly 40 years. For example, the beautiful box of headless chocolate Santas she received from a student whose mother worked in a candy factory. Or animal figurines bought at Pin 'N' Save a few blocks from school. 

Humble and Wise Enough to Learn From Others: ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l (Mishpatim 5776)

ROLLA LEE RUBEN z"l with Gayle and Howard (2011)

I dedicate this to my mom, Rolla Lee Ruben z"l, who died two weeks ago at the age of 81 after a valiant battle against breast cancer and resilience through a decade of Parkinson's. She died peacefully surrounded by her family just a few weeks after holding her first great-grandchild. 

After raising her family and teaching for nearly four decades at Broadway Elementary School in Los Angeles, my mom started writing powerful reminiscences about: growing up with a twin sister in the Twin Cities, falling in love with and marrying my dad, devoting her life to my sister and me, teaching public school in an economically depressed neighborhood, mentoring novice teachers through UCLA and LMU, sharing her life with friends, celebrating her Judaism, and cherishing her grandchildren. We called these reminiscences, "Bubby Stories." She wrote dozens of them. 

Juggling: Accepting and Challenging (Va'eyra 5776)

Gandini Juggling Troupe

Being a teen calls for lots of juggling. Especially this time of year - juggling the delights of vacation with a return to school; or intense family time with intense friend time; or excitement about reconnecting with friends and anxiety about reconnecting with academic material. 

Sometimes the juggling can feel especially intense. I told our students this week about my own juggling in late December. On the same day that my first granddaughter turned eight days old and received the blessing of her name, my eighty-one year old mother transitioned to hospice care in her home. Intense and happy and sad. We juggle a lot in our lives; it can be stressful and powerful. 

My Mom, My Daughter, My Granddaughter, and Me (Vayigash 5776)

The distinct and sometimes parallel paths of my mother’s life and my daughter’s life intersected powerfully this week at a hospital in Santa Monica. 

My mother has lived in Santa Monica for more than 50 years; my daughter and her husband moved there just five months ago. 

At the hospital my mother received challenging and sad news about the return of her cancer. At the same hospital, by sharp contrast, my daughter joyfully delivered her healthy (beautiful!) baby girl. [Mother, father, and daughter are all doing great]

The powerful intersection of two life paths is almost too poignant for words. Yet words are mixing in my mind that have to be shared. One set of words comes from my mother. The other comes from this week’s Torah portion.

Bringing Light to Darkness: #OneCandleForChesed (Chanukah 5776)

During this season when days are short and nights are long - when the darkness of violence and destruction threatens to envelop the light of hope and peace, Chanukah comes as a reminder of our power to bring light into the world.  

The darkness of the last few weeks - killings in Paris, killings on American streets, killings in Israel, killings in San Bernardino - bring darkness threatens to swallow up the light. So much sadness. Too many unanswered questions. It's time to affirm that every life is precious. In that way, we can begin answering questions for which there are no easy answers. 

After A Long Night of Darkness . . . (Vayishlach 5776)

The darkness of the last few weeks - killings in Paris, killings on American streets, killings in Israel - bring darkness that threatens to swallow up the light. So much sadness. Too many unanswered questions. 

One way to work through our questions is to start close to home. Children, for example, develop empathy and caring regard for those who are a world away by practicing empathy and care right at home. Practicing care for a sibling who drives us crazy or a close friend in need helps us build our muscles of care for those we don't know. 

The recent killing of Ezra Schwartz - being a 2015 graduate of a Jewish high school in Brookline killed during his gap year in Israel - is both close to home

Impact v. Intent (Toledot 5776)

Similar to doormat outside JCHS lab-class 

While sharing a dvar Torah during a recent school community gathering I said something hurtful that I deeply regret. It was not what I said so much as how I said it. Yet the negative impact was the same. 


I meant to say something inclusive about the diversity of Jewish culture around holiday celebrations. When I referred to one particular Persian custom, however, my body language and tone suggested distaste or disrespect. My impact was the opposite of my intent.